The Green Lantern Gave Me the Blues
By Megan Carroll
As usual, I find myself at my local haunt, Cinebarre, munching on some tasty noms. when about five minutes into The Green Lantern, I realize that the only thing green that’s going to be good tonight is my Sgt. Peppers (stuffed jalapenos, yummy). I am 100% positive that no one cared enough about this film to make it watchable. It was painful, and I’m not talking about the jalapenos.
The film opens with a voiceover explaining Lantern philosophy and history, and it was about as clear as the Arizona night sky. But, let it be said, it was simplistic, unnecessary, and demeaning for the viewer, unless you were under the age of six.
Nothing was unique, new, or creative. These superhero action movies only seem to survive on their ability to be explosive. Ryan Reynolds plays Hal Jordan, a typically irresponsible fighter pilot (his character eerily reminiscent of another green superhero movie that recently tanked) who takes nothing serious except his abs and, of course, the ladies.
Like every other superhero film, Hal has daddy issues, and the perfect girl who he never takes seriously because he is the irresponsible superhero with awesome abs. The lucky femme fatale (unlucky for the viewer) is Carol Ferris, played by a vacuous Blake Lively. Let’s just say she’s no Mary Jane and leave it at that.
Of course, according to any superhero plot, Hal is thrust into the spotlight and struggles with his newfound responsibility to save the world!
Yes, the storyline and characters are tired, played out, and overdone, but that’s not the problem here. The problem is the execution of the entire film. The villain is laughable and undefined, and the plot has more jerks than a 16-year-old learning to drive stick shift. Characters randomly pop up and disappear with vague explanations, like the vignettes by Tim Robbins and Angele Bassett.
With nothing interesting or important to say, no new creative push, and generally thin acting, The Green Lantern rains down punishment on its unsuspecting audience. That millions are flocking to see the film says something about the choices we have at the movies right now. This hornet’s stinger is disengaged.
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