Let’s Hear It From the Boys
Dating Follies
By Fay A.
I have often wondered why almost everything one hears concerning the land of love and relationships comes from the point of view of women. That in itself is a bit of an understatement. It comes from the point of view of a whole gaggle of angry, whiny, jaded, men-hating women.
Now, it is true that those particular chicks do have a big market of other pissed off, wronged-by-everyone-of-the-opposite-sex women to dispel their pearls of cynical wisdom to, but let’s face it: not all of us have gotten there. Furthermore, there is an entire other half of the population who seems to have had their voice lost in the shadows. I have spent a few weeks getting to better know all of our Folly men and I have been inquiring about what it is that they have to say about all of this smushy relationship fra-la-la. So I have decided that we are going to kick off this new year with a leveling of the playing field… let’s hear it from the boys.
The first thing I noticed when I began to research this idea was that men really do have a lot to say about all of this, but it seems that their ladies really aren’t asking them. Apparently, when any sort of relationship chat comes up, the ladies take it as an opportunity to jump on their soap box and sound off to a captive audience. In turn, before the fellas get a chance to lay their issues out on the table, everyone is tired, emotionally spent, and ready to just skip to the make-up portion of the evening. Guys being guys, after a few hours of hearing what all of her problems are, they will gladly bottle up their own issues and jump right into phase two; all the while still hoping that maybe their feelings will be addressed in the next go round.
Another big issue that I heard from many of the guys revolves around trust and honesty. Men, it seems, often feel like they are being constantly tested by their women. It’s as if the girls can go out to ladies night, get drunk, and flirt their way to the most phone numbers without repercussion, yet if the guys so much as check out a super hot girl in a short skirt, all trust has been thrown out the window and they are left with no choice but to reprove themselves all over again. Furthermore, they feel as if they are being tested before they even make the cut.
Many men feel like girls like the idea of them, but not enough to actually date them. Say Mr. W is a super sexy dreadlocked guy on the other side of the bar. Cute girl enters, she wants to hang out, she wants him to prove that he will put her first, but she would never take him home to meet her Dad; what the hell is that? They are plenty good enough for a twirl around the bedroom, but not good enough to admit to others that it happened? Men are looking for a lot of loyalty, a lot of truth, and a whole lot of reality from their women. And very much like every female that I have ever known, they want to find someone who will love them, accept them, and understand them.
The next big one that I heard from multiple men that I spoke to has to do with women after the break up is over. Girls, girls, girls… I have been hearing some stories that do not make me proud. First things first, playing the friend card. Now it is okay to tell a man that you think the two of you are more suited to being friends, if and only if you are being honest about it. Apparently, many chicks are playing this card with scandalous intentions at heart. What they are really after is some other guy that has caught their eye, but with the added bonus of having guy number one still on the back burner for when they need some attention, an ego boost, or a favor. I’m sorry, but that is just plain mean. It is wrong to use another in any sense of the word, but to play on their feelings and emotions is just heartless.
Another word that seemed to creep into the rants of wronged men was ‘rebound.’ This one was summed up pretty simply by all of the men I spoke to; you didn’t like it the first time, so why the hell are you coming back for seconds? There’s not really a whole lot to elaborate on here… it’s eloquent, to the point, and if I might say so has a nice little ring to it.
I learned a lot from my weeks of just listening to all of the fellas out there. You are a kind, passionate, intelligent, and sensitive group. In my personal opinion it is a travesty that more chicks don’t get to see this side of all of you. I think that if you sat down your ladies and were as honest with them as you were with me that it may solve a lot of the predicaments you find yourselves in. And to the females of the species, you are always crying about finding nice sensitive men who can communicate with you about their feelings and plans for the future… well maybe if you could find it in your hearts to shut the hell up for a few minutes you would find that there are many men out there who are exactly the ones you speak of.
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